Meeting of the Rubble Club 11th July 2008

Welcome. Rubble Clubbers! The rock cakes are over there on the table, piping hot and crunchy as can be. Everyone's pet rocks are perched all round the edge of the plate, tucking in already, so be quick if you want a taste. I forgot to introduce myself. I am your hostess, club chairman, pet rock expert, quarrymistress and friend, Madge Dumpling. I am here again, dutifully speaking to pet rock owners worldwide from the invisible parlour of the Stone Quarry Cottage in the Rocky Headlands of Undergrowby. When I say invisible, I mean invisible to you, not to me, because you cyber space people and your parlours are invisible to me after all. You may be invisible, but I truly believe you are there, because three of you have actually spoken to me through the magic powers of the cyber kingdom. The other Growbies are insanely jealous of my magic laptop, but even without it, before I have turned it on, I sense the Rubble Clubbers here, waiting eagerly for the meeting to begin. When my rock cakes start to disappear faster than usual, I know they are here with me. Some may say I am in a world of my own and quite deluded, but we hyper-sensitive pet rock whisperers know what's really real and what isn't, don't we, Rubble Clubbers? And,( it goes without saying), so do our pet rocks.
Now, on to business. I would like to draw your attention to a phenomenon which is new, interesting and definitely not a cause for concern. The Blackpool Freckles. Since moving to the sunny, happy holidayland of Blackpool, I have noticed that amongst the pet rocks sitting on the front row along the windowsill, many have been developing a crop of brown spots all over their heads. At first I was worried, thinking it was a deadly fungal disease, but the little darlings are otherwise perfectly healthy and aglow with holidayland happiness, so I have concluded that they have sprouted freckles, and very pretty they are too. If you notice anything similar, perhaps it means you too live in Blackpool. Lucky you! My advice to you is, move the front row to the back, so the others can get a share of the sun, otherwise the freckled ones will gain advantage at the midsummer pet rock shows. They will be so much prettier than the others and there will be no end of jealousy and over-use of fake freckle lotion. For those of you wishing to gain similar advantages for your pet rocks I would recommend a weekend in sunny Blackpool. No matter what the radio weather forescasters say (I hear them telling their whopping fibs on the holidaymakers' radios), it is almost always radiantly sunny here.
You could stay in one of those cosy seafront hotels. Before you book in, inquire if your room will have a sunny windowsill for your team of freckle-hunting pet rock sunbathers. There should be no extra charge. One of my favourite prefects recommends the wonderful President Hotel on the north promenade. You might even meet her and her pet rocks there if your stay and hers coincide. Look for her prefect's badge and linedancer's outfit (secret clues to her identity, known exclusively to members of the Rubble Club). I myself stumbled accidentally into a nice hotel called the New Belvedere, on the promenade at Gynn Square, round the corner from the Magic Wand Factory Shop on Dickson Road They told me I could stay in their phone box any time I like. It was a lovely cosy spot, and I suspect they have heard about my world-famous rock cakes and are hoping I will be baking up a storm for them whenever I stay. If any of you have other hotels to recommend, you only have to write to me and I will dutifully pass the word on to the membership.
Yesterday a trio of orphans, their beds and bowls left the shop to emigrate to Canada(a foreign town across a big sea) with a very nice, kind family who promised to take great care of them. If you are here at the meeting, little rockies, bon voyage! There will soon be a little corner of a house in Canada which will be forever Undergrowby.
I have to go now, Rubble Clubbers, and get some sun. I am hoping for some massive freckles, so I will be able to enter the Happy Holidaylands beauty contest and beat that wrinkled, green-faced Wanderella Windmeddler, Wandmaker of the Magic Wand Factory of the Wandmaker's Forest of Undergrowby, who won it last year for being 'different'.
I'll be back next week. Till then I remain your faithful friend and chairman, Madge Dumpling.