Meeting of the Rubble Club 5th Sept. 2008

Hello, come on in, Rubble Clubbers, I, Madge Dumpling, your friendly chairman am still here. I was planning to host the meeting by remote control this week, from somewhere secret and unknown, but it is raining and you know how I and the pet rocks hate the rain, so you can relax and enjoy another week of my personal hospitality. My usual lovely spread of rock buns and tasty gravel tea is on the table. I know how to look after my visitors, unlike that old green-faced copycat, Wanderella Windmeddler, who tries to compete with me with her magic making , but try though she may, she can't cook for toffee. If you fall into her web don't expect edible food. No wonder she is as skinny as a twig.
It has come to my attention (thanks to my admirable and ever vigilant prefect, Linedancer), that she has badgered her boyfriend, Wobbin the Wizard, into making her a laptop of her own. She is now entertaining all the world-wide wand collectors out here in cyber space. I sneaked a peek at her cosy web set-up just to check it out. I stood silently at the back of the crowd (after all, I have a few magic wands myself, so I could be considered something of a collector) but as there was no buffet, I sneaked back out again, smirking to myself. Linedancer, I will not be jealous if you visit both of our houses, as long as you keep me informed about all the gossip in your usual highly efficient way. I won't ask you to steal any of her awful recipes for me. You can only hope she never attempts to cook for her membership, that's all I can say by way of friendly discreet advice. When visiting the Magic Wand Factory, always go armed with a packed lunch, Rubblers. Take a few extra rock buns from my buffet. I'll find you all nice Rubble Club yellow doggy bag. Just be sure to unpack them slowly and eat them in front of her.
Talking about doggy bags, I have had an interesting question from Doglover. Are there dogs in Undergrowby? Of course! But they are the exactly the same dogs that you know, which we meet when our paths cross with the human world. There are no tiny gnome-dogs, except in fairy tales, just big, clumsy-footed giant dogs, pets of humans and some of them are a bit too interested in us little Growbies. Guess what the most popular pet in Undergrowby is? Correct, pet rocks. Growbies sometimes form attachments with magical creepy-crawlies, like caterpillars, worms, crabs, shrimps and spiders, but would not dream of putting them on leads or trap them in cages. They come and go as they will. I have a nice worm family under the rubble pile of whom I am quite fond, but they are not half so affectionate, intelligent and reliable as my little rockies.
It has been quite a pet-related week amongst my human friends. I went into the Belvedere Hotel on Gynn Square to check up on my pet rock department in their bijou little phone booth gift shop. There sat my rockies, smiling at me from their shelf. It quite made their day to see me, I could tell. Then I went for a wander round, as I do. In the bar I noticed they had some lovely bubbling fish tanks for the entertainment of their lucky, happy, entranced visitors. It gave me an idea.
I talked Grandad Gray into getting a little fish tank for in the Magic Wand Factory Shop so I could put my idea into practice. Since it arrived, I have been training a team of water-loving pet rocks to hold their breath as long as possible. None of them has taken a breath since. They sit there obediently holding their breath effortlessly and smiling as usual. Today I put them into the new fish tank, which has no fish as yet, just nice warm water and some mosses and they look quite happy. Once a week I shall remove them so they can take a breath if they need to. In my experience, pet rock underwater dwellers, once they are acclimatised, can survive for years without taking a breath. Can you guess one great advantage to this lifestyle, Rubble Clubbers? Yes, correct, blissfully for them, they will never know when it is raining outside. Therefore they should never suffer from that much-feared crippling pet rock disease, rain-related depression.
Well, I am still exhausted after my marathon fire element lecture of last week, and so, I imagine, are you, so I shall be brief this week. To help us all relax our tired minds, there are some spectacular free firework display weekends here in Blackpool this week and in the weeks to come, (check with my friends at the Tourist Information Centre) so if you are looking for somewhere to take your pet rocks for a special treat, book your pet rocks and yourself in at one of those lovely Blackpool hotels. It will be a fabulous fiery time to remember for you all. While you are here, pop into the pet rock department of the Magic Wand Factory Shop on Dickson Road near Gynn Square and stock up on new specimens. Also, watch out for me and my rockies in their little pram, strolling along the promenade under the popping rockets and shooting stars. If I do not see you there, I will see you next Friday here in my parlour where, as ever, I will remain your dependable little friend and faithful chairman, Madge Dumpling.