Meeting of the Rubble Club 21 November 2008

Hello, this is Madge Dumpling, chairman of the Rubble Club, speaking to you from a very cool parlour in the Stone Quarry of Undergrowby. I have lit an oil lamp in the middle of the hearth where the fire should be, so you can all warm your hands. If I were to light a proper fire, the Time and Tide Inspector would spot the smoke rising from my chimney and immediately record the Stone Quarry's ' irresponsible waste of fuel' in the scandal column of his annual report, so I have to keep fire-lighting to a minimum during the long winter sleep. Only we dedicated Rubble Club members need to be aware I am awake,( and fully in support of pet rocks and their owners world-wide), to save any more gossip than necessary.
I know what you are thinking...no fire...what about those freshly-baked rock cakes you have grown so fond of, and when will they be back on the buffet table? Well, fear not, Rubblers, because I have thought well ahead and my secret pantry is full of them, stored in stone jars, enough to last for months. They may develop an interesting wintery flavour from being stored because of the different crusty moulds which develop over time. The buffet will, however, have to be served cold for the foreseeable future. Do help yourselves!
I am pleased to see you and your little rockies have all survived Waterfall Week unscathed and so have I. Now, as all activity ceases around us, it is time for the magical inner work to begin. You already have the ideal teachers in your midst. Pet rocks, under my Dumpling-method form of tuition have perfected the magical art of winter stillness breathing and if asked, will model the age-old technique for you to copy. See, there they are on my mantelpiece doing it as we speak.
By faithful practice they have learnt how to compact the breath in their bellies using their strong muscles and even stronger minds, so that very little movement is required to supply all the magical needs of the overwintering re-charge. Their breathing movement is so slight it is imperceptible. You might think it has stopped altogether, but the movement has simply transferred itself to the mind for the duration of the winter. Eager students and fast learners as pet rocks are, they are now more skillful at the technique than I am myself, who inherited it reluctantly from a long line of outstanding Dumpling masters. Perhaps an ancient pet rock was the truly original creator of the form and an ancient Dumpling magician liked it and decided to take credit for it. I sometimes wonder.
Over the wintery weeks I will share the Dumpling magic breathing technique with you, if you are having trouble understanding how it works. The first thing to practice is belly-work. That begins with thinking about the middle and lower belly opening and closing with each breath. While your mind is in your lower belly no one will be able to push you over because you will be bottom-heavy. It's a handy thing to practise when you are holding a ladder for somebody. It is a useful antidote to fear.
Rubblers, I suspect a simple form of lower belly breathing is enough for you to practise for the first week. You may be doubting that it is a truly magical technique. Well you can prove it for yourself. If you have a friend or family member who is awake for the winter, tell them to stand behind you. First, think about the top of your head as you breathe and imagine the breath-magic filling the topmost part of your skull. Get your friend to give you a little push from behind and you will find you are so top heavy you will start to topple forwards right away.
Next, think about your lower belly and focus all the magical breath action there. Get your friend to push you again and see how much more bottom-heavy and stable you are, just like a pet rock. That's how powerfully your mind can move matter. Do not underestimate the power of the mind and breath combined. Together they are a force to be reckoned with. It gets better, Rubble Clubbers, but this is your starting point in the Dumping school of belly breath control. Open up that belly of yours to the forces of magic and over the winter, as the technique unfolds, you will learn how to move mountains in a quiet, unassuming and truly magical way, much like myself.
Right, it's time to go and get back in my cocoon, read the Undergrowby Gnews again and again and do a bit of knitting. If the weather turns nasty I will be joining you in the belly breathing session, (advanced form, of course). It distracts me nicely from having to listen to the drip-drip-dripping of the rain.
It was lovely to reunite with you all in secret cyber-space. I perfectly understand that nobody wanted to write to me in the gloom and doom of Waterfall Week, but now it is over, please start writing again. I look forward to your words of comfort, sympathy, praise and support, which you know I truly deserve. Enjoy your introductory breathing exercises and we'll move to the more exciting second stage next week. Be warm until then. I remain your cosily-cocooned friend and Rubble Club Chairman, Madge Dumpling.