Meeting of the Rubble Club 11th January 2009

Hello, this is Madge Dumpling, world-famous pet rock whisperer and chairman of the Rubble Club of Undergrowby, welcoming all you cold, wet pet rock owners and your little pets to another fabulous winter get-together. Please leave your wet coats and umbrellas in the doorway..we don't want the little rockies to be reminded of the rain...you know how they hate it!
Here we are then, all huddled around the candles burning in the hearth, having a lovely cosy time. While we wait for the candles to warm up the gravel tea, I have some heart-warming pictures for you to look at, sent to me through cyber-space by the Magical Personal Assistant of two of my favourite members, Joe and Emma.
Joe and Emma have made a FIVE STAR perfect pet rock paradise of their home. In my expert opinion, it is one of those places pet rocks may become so happy that they may even begin to breed. I have visited Joe and Emma's house, squeezing in through that convenient gap in the edge of the floorboards from time to time to do my routine follow-up inspections, as I do for all my little rockies, and I am always pleased with what I find. It just gets better and better! I am going to make them a special prize, which will be ready in about a week, as a reward for their truly brilliant pet rock-catering service. Joe and Emma, my clever darlings, please ask Granny Gray if it is ready next time you come to the Magic Wand Factory Shop on Dickson Road, Blackpool.
Rubble Clubbers, you can copy their beautiful floor plans or create one of your own, and in either case, perhaps you could get your own Magical Personal Assistant to send me some photos to share with the membership? Joe, Emma and their close friend Louis(who has a pet rock world of his own) are planning a mini-Blackpool beach sand-play area for their paradises, so there may be some more photos when the constructions are complete.
And there is more in the post-bag. Linda from Kilmarnoch, I too am counting the hours to your return to Blackpool, and I agree that your little pets will be ecstatically happy to stay in Scotland while you are on holiday. They have already done Blackpool. As long as they have been reassured that you will be returning in a few days, they will happily guard the house for you and memorise everything that is happening while you are away. They are better than any security camera, once you get the hang of decoding their little messages.
Linedancer, thank you kindly for asking after my health. I am now perfectly fit and raring to get the new year underway. It is going to be a year of divine blessings and abundance for all of us here in the Rubble Club. I consulted the Undergrowby Map of Mysteries on the matter and that is what I as told. I was directed all around the pathways of the Spring Green with its plantations, and the Wandmakers' Forest with its magically rich pickings. They are both gnomesteads where all the fast, upward growth happens, so the good fortunes of the Rubble Club membership are definitely set to flourish before the year is out. In my case, I am praying it means the tide is going to wash in lots of lovely rock specimens for me to turn into pet rocks for you. If it doesn't, the little darlings would soon become extinct. (But the map says they won't, so don't worry!)
If you want a Map of Mysteries Oracle Pack of your own together with its chart of meanings and instructions for how to use it, you will have to come to the Magic Wand Factory Shop on Dickson Road, or for £11.50 including posting fee, ask Granny Gray to post you one. (01253 353800). You can ask the map about anything you like, no matter how frivolous or serious, it will give you its age-old wise directions on anything you are having trouble with. It is printed on material so you can do a bit of embroidery or beading here and there if you like, to put your own pretty, personal touches in.
Any pet rock can be trained to guide the map reader to his or her destination. Some are more alert than others but they never run off in the wrong direction like, say, a spider would do if given the same job. In fact a fully obedience-trained baby pet rock guide comes free with every Oracle Pack. As you will see, they are just the right size for travelling along the pathways and standing still in between moves to remind you where you are up to. Only you Rubble Clubbers know this pack is available by post. Even visitors to the shop have to be very observant and inquisitive to spot it because Granny Gray is not very good at showcasing things well enough to be seen by all. The cloth map is available on the web-site shop (£5.95) but no mention is made of the chart of meanings, instruction booklet and pet rock guide. WHY, I ask myself?
I would make a much better shop assistant than Granny Gray myself if only I were much bigger and less invisible, but I am too busy with my own work anyway. The sales figures in the shop are destined to be permanently at the mercy of the well-meaning but truly incompetant Granny and Grandad Gray. Heaven help us all!
I hope you like the pictures, Rubble Clubbers. If anyone else has some to share, we'd love to see them, wouldn't we? I may see who I can find to be my own personal photographer to take some photos of me on my travels around Blackpool. If any of you are six inches tall or under, with your own camera, the job is yours. I am waiting to hear from you. Meanwhile, until next week, I remain your faithful chairman and devoted friend, Madge Dumpling.