Meeting of the Rubble Club, 8th February, 2009

Hello, Rubble Clubbers, knock the snow off your boots and come inside. If you all lived in sunny Blackpool like me, Madge Dumpling, (world-famous pet rock whisperer and Chairman of the Rubble Club), there would be no snow to knock off because, as usual, the sun has been shining all week. Like me, you would be covered in sun cream. The weather reporters on the telly, when they are saying everywhere is covered in snow, always forget to mention that Blackpool, however, is as sunny as ever. Why? I think Clockit Quick, the Time and Tide Inspector, should do an official Undergrowby weather report of his own, telling the real truth so the world will find out that Blackpool, and especially Undergrowby, Blackpool, truly has the best of the weather in the whole of the land.
I have been practising my best hand-writing all week, using my new set of seagull-quill pens, which I made myself, dipped in beetroot juice. The first story I have written out beautifully is called "The Mystery of Miss Tick" and it is about the strange school-mistress of the Seven Schools of Undergrowby. I have insisted that Grandad Gray puts it on the Magic Wand Factory website for you, and he is obeying me as fast as he can. Watch out for it, Rubblers. Although it is a very short story, it is too long to read out here at the Rubble Club and, like all my best bedtime stories, it is guaranteed to send the pet rocks off to sleep, and we don't want that till later tonight, do we?. They come here to play, mingle, smell the cakes and gossip silently with each other after all.
Granny Gray has her favourite little customers, pet rock collectors, who come into the shop on Dickson Road Blackpool. She has me making all kinds of extra things to keep them happy. I am pleased to say that one of them, Nicole, who, like me, is very fond of blue tits, has written me a letter, and just so she knows I have got it, I am giving Granny Gray a little prize for her. Another one, Jo's sister Emma, is having a birthday soon, so I will have to be getting her a little something for her birthday too.
Something very exciting has happened this week, Rubble Clubbers. While I was out on my rounds, checking up on pet rocks who have moved out into the community, making sure they are being well looked-after, I came upon a set of lucky pet rocks who have become glamorous film stars thanks to the creative film-making talents of Holly and Carlotte, (another couple of Granny Gray's favourites). They were making an exciting and dramatic film, starring their pet rocks, with squeaky voices added tastefully(if artificially)by the film-makers, on their dining room table, and the pet rocks in question had no time to talk to me for acting their socks off in front of the camera. It is as if I were invisible! Still, like every good mother, I put their needs first, and wish them well. I fully expect them to appear on the telly one day. I will not tell you the plot of the film, Rubble Clubbers, so I don't spoil it for you.
I may not speak to you again before Valentine's Day so I must bring your attention to how much your pet rocks will be hoping for a Valentine of their own. A very tiny one please, Rubblers. It will be up to you to make sure they are not disappointed. You can pretend it is from another pet rock if you are too shy to reveal your identity. If you are a sentimental fool, like me, you could hold a pet rock speed-dating party for Valentines Day Eve, and do a bit of match-making. Granny Gray will have lots of little Valentine gifts perfect for pet rocks, if you call in at the Magic Wand Factory Shop on Dickson Road, Blackpool. You could even give them to humans too, so to be safe, buy two of everything to avoid any jealousy from your human partners. Be creative, Rubblers. Do it your way, but please remember to do it well, or pet rocks' hearts will be broken and nothing is worth the weeks of sulking you will have to endure if you forget.
I have had a fascinating, chatty letter from Debz, (Linda's daughter), from Kilmarnoch, about the new pet she is getting to entertain her pet rocks, a hamster called(delightfully) Rocky. Debz, I have a hamster connection myself, and so do my own pet rocks. Hamsters and pet rocks get on well together. Make sure the rockies are perched high enough up so they can see into the hamster's cage or they will be frustrated. Granny Gray is babysitting long-term for her grand-daughters' hamster, and as well as entertaining the rockies, the hamster's food-bowl used to be my best source of oatfalkes for my rock-cake mixtures. Then, to my delight, your mother brought me a whole year's supply of pure Scottish oats and I have never been in the hamster's bowl since. I expect your lucky hamster will be living on a hearty Scottish oatcake diet. Its a good job pet rocks are not prone to jealousy. No matter how much the hamster smacks his lips and shows off his oatcakes, your little rockies will still be friends with him. You could give them a few crumbs of their own in a bottle-top if you care to make them feel more of a family, dining cosily all together.
Auntie Hatty's pet rock hat shop has been open all week and I am pleased to announce it is a great success. A few of her hats put in an appearance on the heads of the film star pet rocks in the aforementioned film, and Auntie Hatty will no doubt one day be mentioned on screen as 'pet rock hat-maker to the stars'. From rags to fame and fortune in one week! Congratulations, Auntie H!
My own cake shop was opened this week too, and is nearly sold out. Now I have finished my writing, I shall have to go and get my mixing bowl out. Mingle amongst yourselves, Rubble Clubbers. I will be back with you next week, and meanwhile I remain your faithful chairman and busy little friend, Madge Dumpling.