Rubble Club 29/02/2008

29/02/2008 by Madge

Hello Rubble Clubbers. Welcome all you nervous new members and to all you lovely cheeky regulars. I hope you, like me, are all set for Mothers’ day on Sunday. Motherly-looking pet rocks all need to be polished and groomed and lined up ready for the orphans to present their pretty little cards to them. Orphans need to be polished and groomed and cards glued by their sides. See mine over there on the windowsill, orphans on one side, mothers on the other? That’s the way I like it.

I like to see everything prepared well in advance as you know, because these sentimental occasions matter!

Now, Rubble Clubbers, it has come to my attention that some of these little orphan rockies have been guilty of an occasional accident of a toilet-related kind, and droppings have been brought to me by way of proof. I’m still not convinced. My little pets are bred for their clean habits. In all the hundreds of years I have been raising pet rocks such a thing has never been heard of until now. I suspect the suspicious little black blobs were more likely dropped by a thoughtless passing spider.

Nevertheless, responsible as ever(you know me by now, Rubblers!), I have designed a pet rock litter tray complete with toilet roll, and for those who are worried about their furniture being plopped-on by their pet rocks(I still don’t believe it), you can add one to your pet rock paraphernalia and I recommend you sit your little rockies on it for a few minutes every now and then, together with some kind of command, like “Do a doo doo, or poo poo” or something of that kind, and being the obliging little creatures that they are, they will do their best to produce something for you. If they start to look worried or stressed when they are on the toilet, please give up on the toilet training and let them go back to the windowsill in peace. As I said, I am not at all sure they were ever capable of doing anything at all in the first place! Mine quite like sitting there, however. I think they think it’s a sand pit. None of them has pooed at all to date, as I expected. If you want to join in the experiment, you will have to contact me to purchase a toilet of your own, or make one in a match box or bottle top filled with sand. Remember the little toilet roll(soft of course), which I expect you to make from only the best ingredients.

I see no one has entered the competition again. Ah, well.

Help yourselves to gravel tea and rock buns but please do not eat every last bun on the plate because I need to save some for the mothers’ day tea party. Although I would normally sleep through till next Friday(in fits and starts because I am not the most skillful of sleepers), I have set my alarm for tea time on Sunday, when I will be doing the Mothers’ Day card presenting ceremony for those poor little orphan rockies. Well, they can’t do it for themselves, can they, Rubblers, eh?

I’ll leave you now, one and all. Have a lovely week until we meet again. Your friend and chairman, Madge Dumpling.