Meeting of the Rubble Club, 14th Dec 2008

Hello Rubble Clubbers and your little pets, and welcome to another winter get-together here at the Stone Quarry in the hidden land of Undergrowby, just below ground in the heavenly happy holiday-land of Blackpool. The week-end Blackpool sun has forced itself through the wintry clouds once again for the benefit of all those lucky week-end holiday-makers, so you can put your pet rocks on the window sill sand-pit for a little sun-bathe while we get down to business.
First, a message to my nice new prefect, Linda. Linda, you asked me if my breathing exercises would help fight the flab. Now Linda, I want you to listen carefully. The Dumpling breathing technique is not a beautifying, tummy-firming exercise. It is a secret internal magical practice designed to empower the Dumpling within. Having said that, pet rocks have been practising the technique for centuries and their little tummies are as hard as a rock, so what can't speak can't lie, Linda. Keep going, and you'll find out. My own little tummy is not so little, in case you were wondering, but it is always extremely rock hard. I had, however, put that down to my fabulously wholesome diet of rock cakes and gravel tea.
You also said you are not wearing your prefect's badge to work. I expect you don't want to make all your coleagues jealous of your new promotion, and I don't blame you. People can be so cruel when they are jealous, but Linda, I think you are worrying for nothing. You are forgetting you live in Scotland and I for one have never heard of a cruel Scot. They are all so smiley and good and would make wonderful pet rock owners, every one of them. I am sure they would all, far from being spiteful and jealous, be congratulating you and organising a celebration party for you, because we all know how they love an excuse for a nice party over there in Scotland. If you are any good at making rock cakes and gravel tea, it could be a pet rock party. Get that prefect's badge on Linda, round up a few kind-hearted friends and start taking orders for more pet rocks immediately, ready for your next trip to Blackpool. Hundreds of half-Scottish orphan pet rocks are secretly depending on you.
And now on to the next step in the Dumpling breathing technique.
You have mastered Finding the Cauldron, Filling the Cauldron, Finding the Dumpling, Lighting the Cauldron and moving the Dumpling up and down, and now you will learn the next step,
MOVING THE DUMPLING FORWARD AND BACK.
First locate the Dumpling by slightly tensing the tummy muscles and seat muscles, and by flicking the muscles up or down, guide the Dumpling to the mid-line. Now, the next time you breathe in, instead of letting the tummy swell out, pull it in to resist the swell and feel your back and sides opening up with the breath. As you breathe out, give your tummy muscles an extra pull inwards to kick the Dumpling towards your spine, and hump your back a little to accommodate it. Then, quickly relax your tumy muscles, breathe in and arch your back again to flick the Dumpling away from the spine forwards towards the stomach wall. With the next few breaths, repeat the forward-and-back spinal tilting and muscle clenching, forwards and back, forwards and back, then reduce the physical action to a much more subtle, mental level, so it is your mind that is moving the Dumpling, and the muscle-clenching, spinal tilting and breath movements are barely there at all.
You will get good at this in no time, and surprise yourself at how powerfully your mind can control that Dumpling.
Using your newly-found subtle powers, using the mind, breath and the minimum of muscle-action, experiment with moving the Dumpling forward, back, up and down and round and round the cauldron at will. It will be happy to work for you, delighted to finally get your attention and eager to show you how limitless are its talents. Once you get to know it you will realise what it is...it is the true, immortal you, the Dumpling within. Mine is me, the true, immortal Madge Dumpling. Yours is, ....what? If you are not called Dumpling, perhaps this would be a good time to add it to the end of your name by deed poll.
Next time we will be taking our activated Dumplings for a controlled trip outside of the cauldron, through the hidden pathways of our mind and body, in the same way that we Growbies travel along our own hidden tunnels here, just below the surface of Blackpool. We never know where we'll pop up next, but pop up we will, you can depend upon it, Rubble Clubbers. As it is such a lovely day, I have itchy feet. I am going to leave you all here together mingling and practicing with your Dunplings and I'm off for a trot along the "cliff" paths just below the Promenade. I have a good feeling about what might be in store for me today, so until next week, keep practicing, Rubble Clubbers, and remember I am always your true friend and dutiful chairman, Madge Dumpling.