Meeting of thde Rubble Club, 6th &7th December 2008

A good sunshiny wintry morning to you all! This is Madge Dumpling, Quarrymistress and chairman of the world-famous Rubble Club, whose doors are flung open to you once again here in the Stone Quarry of the magical world of Undergrowby. No, don't take your coats off. Help yourselves to extra blankets for you and fluffy nests for your little rockies. I have lit some candles in the hearth to take off the chill, but it's still freezing. The rock cakes are covered in frost and there is ice in the gravel tea so you will need to warm them in your hands for a while. Snuggle up together on the sofas and get warm while I do the anouncements.
I am pleased to announce that the Rubble Club has another prefect, thanks to the good judgement of Granny Gray, my shopkeeper at the Magic Wand Factory Shop in Dickson Road, Blackpool. In summer you will remember my love affair with all things Scottish, and my expeditions hidden in the luggage compartments of various Scottish linedancers' coaches. Well, during one of my overnight coach trips to Scotland, I brought back some Scottish rock samples which, thanks to my Dumpling magic, have bred and over time have produced many kind, good tempered pets. It seems however, that the originals were missed by the Scots, who searched the internet to find them. By chance, and good detective work, one rock-seeker happened to stumble through cyber-space over my threshold and suspected I might be the guilty thief, but it is too late, the breeding line is established. Scotland and Blackpool are united in stone for ever.
Some of the offspring have now been returned to Scotland by their new owner and befriender, Linda from Kilmarnoch, who came down to Blackpool on a coach trip herself, and made a special pilgrimage to Dickson Road to root about on my pet rock shelves looking for those pet rocks with tell-tale signs of Scottish lineage(extreme smileyness). Touched by her dedication to pet rocks, and to buy her silence, Granny Gray made her a Rubble Club prefect on the spot. It was lucky I had given her a spare prefect's badge for such emergencies.
To be honest, I think I had a bit of a Dumpling premonition about it during my advanced breathing exercises. (And by the way, if Linedancer, my head prefect, is panicking under the weight of an ever-growing responsibility for all the prefects under her care, there is no need. The Rubble Club and all its departments, even yours, Linedancer, however big or small they are, will run themselves quite effortlessly, by their ever-present heart-centred Dumpling magic.)
And so, on with this week's breathing exercises, "Warming the cauldron"and "Empowering the Dumpling". It will take your minds (and those of your pet rocks) off the winter weather and bring out ever more of the undiscovered Dumpling within.
If you were present at the Rubble Club last week and the week before, you will have already opened your belly, filled the cauldron and found the dumpling. Thanks to the winter, the soup in the cauldron may be feeling a little cold, so this is a helpful hint to turn up the heat. First, close the left nostril with your fingertip, so the air is drawn down into the cauldron through the nostril of fire(the right nostril), filling the cauldron with your favourite form of imaginary warm nourishment(probably my world-famous warmed-up gravel soup). As you breathe out, with each out- breath, vigorously pull up your seat muscles and pull in your lower tummy muscles, as if igniting a pilot light in the space below the cauldron. Continue the pulling up pumping motion for few breaths, as if you were pumping up the bellows below the fire.
Now rest and breathe quietly, listening and observing the swirling, bubbling action of the soup and the dumpling within it. If the pilot light has refused to light, try again, this time pulling up only the right hand side of the seat muscles, and the right hand side of the bottom, which corresponds to the right kidney(the seat of fire power within). That should do it. If it still won't light, your muscles must be a bit withered and your cauldron may have sprung a leak. Keep practising the squeezing, pumping and resting and everything will return to the place where it belongs. Your obviously distressed Dumpling will thank you in the long run, and as it recovers any winter health problems will disappear.
Empowering the Dumpling.
Once the soup in your cauldron is warm and bubbling locate the precious Dumpling within and observe its subtle movements. The next exercise is about helping the Dumpling to move in a set direction by the power of mind and breath combined. First, we will concentrate on moving it up and down....up with the in-breath and down with the out-breath,( which is its very nature and if you are in good health, this will be happening anyway).
Dumpling up.
As you breathe in, the soup splashes down onto the floor of the cauldron, naturally stirring the dumpling up to the middle of the belly. If it sticks to the floor of the cauldron, flick up your seat muscles and kick it up into the air on the out-breath. Holding the breath in after the next in-breath, check if the dumpling is around the mid-line by squeezing in your tummy muscles. You should feel a little dumpling-shaped knot of resistance if you have been successful. If not keep practicing. Dumpling down.
As you breathe out, visualise the Dumpling slowly sinking like a pet rock to the floor of your belly. If you are a sensitive type, you can even feel it bouncing to the bottom in a subtle, invisible kind of way. If you feel nothing, and fear the Dumpling is stuck at the top, you need to take more physical control. With the next out-breath, squeeze your chest walls in and your diaphragm down, and hold the breath out for longer. To check if the Dumpling has descended, just flick up your seat muscles for a moment and the Dumpling will make its presence felt by its subtle resistance. If you can't feel it, be patient, like a pet rock and practice, practice, practice. Think of it as a form of winter sport which has only one winner...you! One day I will be looking for an apprentice to inherit the Dumpling Magic and only those who prove themselves be dedicated dumpling breathers will be considered. Till next week, keep your cauldrons boiling and practice moving your Dumpling up and down and the time will fly. In future weeks, you can scarcely imagine where our Dumplings will end up!
Until then I remain your faithful friend and kindly informative chairman, Madge Dumpling.